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Explaining Biblical Female Roles in the Church to Your Daughter

Hello, friends. Today's podcast question says: "My son had the opportunity to lead communion at our church. My daughter was disappointed because she couldn't do it because she's a female. How do I explain female roles in the church to my daughter in a biblical way that doesn't focus on all the things she cannot do as a female?"

This is a really interesting question, and it's actually a very dicey question in our current cultural context because in the culture in which we live, any differences in roles is viewed as something that is oppressive. However, that is not the biblical view of differences in roles. So we're going to dive down deep into this question today on the Foundation Worldview Podcast, where we seek to answer your questions so that you can equip the children that God has placed in your care to carefully evaluate every idea they encounter and understand the truth of the biblical worldview.

Understanding Biblical Roles in Church Worship

As we think about the roles of males and females in the church, and specifically in corporate worship, from my study of the scriptures, I believe that Scripture is clear that only males are to be in the role of elder in the church so that only men are to be pastors and they only men are to be those who are preaching God's word during corporate worship. However, there may be differences in different churches regarding other forms of participation in corporate worship. For example, churches will have different views on who can lead the singing from on stage on Sundays, or who can read Scripture during the service, or who can distribute the elements for communion.

I am going to approach this podcast from the view that Scripture is clear that only males can be elders and can be in the role of pastors who are preaching God's word on a Sunday morning, but also understanding that there's going to be some differences of opinion between different churches as to who can lead the singing, who can read Scripture, who can distribute the elements for communion.

A Note About Communion Leadership

Before I specifically get into this question about how we can help our children understand male and female roles in the church in a biblical way, I wanted to address one part of this question. I thought it was interesting that a child was allowed to lead communion at a church.

Now, I'm making an assumption that the person's son is a child and is not an adult, but leading communion at a local church is different than distributing the elements. What I mean by leading communion is walking the congregation through what you're doing—eating the bread and drinking the cup and what this symbolizes. Maybe I misunderstood the questioner's question. Maybe the questioner was saying that their son distributed the elements, which is different than leading communion.

With my current understanding of the Lord's Supper or communion being a sacrament or an ordinance of the church (a sacrament simply means that it's a visible symbol—a visible physical symbol of a hidden spiritual reality), I think that it should be an elder of the church who is leading communion because you're actually walking the body of Christ through this sacrament that Christ has given the church. I think there's more room for difference on who can serve communion—who can hand out the bread and who can hand out the juice or the wine.

So if the son is a child and he was allowed to actually lead communion to walk the congregation through what is going on, I think you may want to think through: is this actually biblical or is this actually wise to have a child leading this? If you're just talking about distributing the elements, that's something that's completely different.

My Personal Story: Learning About Biblical Roles

As I was writing down notes for this podcast, I was thinking of my own story—the first time that I ever encountered the passage of Scripture about not allowing or not permitting a woman to teach or have authority over a man. I think I was in seventh grade, in middle school. I remember I was in junior high youth group, and I read that verse. My immediate response—and I'm embarrassed that I said this now, but in all honesty—was: "Oh, someone must've made a mistake."

I had just been taught my whole life growing up in school that you can be anything that you want to be and don't let anybody stop you from being what you want to be. Even in fourth grade, I went to the musical "Free to Be You and Me" at a local theater in our community. So I had just been told my whole life, "You can be whoever you want to be." As a female, I thought I could do anything that a man could do, and I also didn't understand at that time about the inspiration, authority, and inerrancy of Scripture.

My response immediately was, "Oh, somebody must have made a mistake in that they don't understand." I was chastised immediately, which I'm grateful that I was, but I just had this faulty understanding growing up of not understanding what Scripture is—that it is God's authoritative, inspired word that we are to submit ourselves to—and understanding that God has designed men and women differently.

Focus on the Concept of Design

The first thing that we need to do when we're talking with our children about this is we need to focus on the concept of design.

If you have already taken the children God has placed in your care through our God's Good Design curriculum here at Foundation Worldview, all you need to do is just review some of the truths that we cover in that first unit. For example, review the truth: "Designers understand their design best" and "Knowing and following the designer's design is always best." You can even review some of the games that we played and some of the passages of Scripture that we went through to talk about designers and their design.

If you have not taken your child or children yet through the God's Good Design curriculum and they are still ages eight or nine and younger, I highly recommend that you take them through this curriculum. I really wish that everyone would take their kids through this curriculum when they're between the ages of four and eight or nine because so many of the issues that our children encounter in the world would be cleared up simply by understanding this concept of design.

However, I realize that the majority of you listening have not yet taken your children through this curriculum. So what I'm going to walk us through now is for those of you who haven't gone through this curriculum yet—just briefly introduce the concept of design to your children.

Teaching Design Through Everyday Examples

Focus on an object that your child is familiar with and on two different parts of that object's design. For example, your child is already familiar with a car because every time you get up to go somewhere, you probably head into the car. So talk about a car and how it's made of all these different parts, and then talk about the tires and the steering wheel.

Talk about how they're similar in shape—they're both round. Usually they are black because the tires are made out of rubber, and the steering wheel is usually made out of leather. Then talk about how each of those parts helps the car function. Talk about how the wheels move, they rotate, and then they actually transport you from one place to the other and they go against the pavement. Talk about how the steering wheel is what actually turns the wheels. It's how you get from one place to another in the right way. It's how you turn when you need to. It's how you avoid accidents.

Then talk through what would happen if we used a tire as the steering wheel or what would happen if we used a steering wheel as a tire. Talk about how the tire would not work as the steering wheel because it's way too big. You wouldn't even be able to see over the dashboard. Your hands couldn't fit around it. There's no way the majority of people would have the muscle to turn the tire as it would need to be for a steering wheel.

Then talk about using a steering wheel as a tire. Talk about how it wouldn't hold the car up because it doesn't have the same construction as a tire, so it wouldn't be able to support that weight. It also would not be able to keep you from skidding and sliding on the road because it doesn't have treads like the tire has.

Talk about how both the wheels and the steering wheel were designed for a certain purpose and a car can only run properly when each part works according to its design.

Connecting Physical Design to Human Design

Then connect this concept of physical design to the concept of the physical design of males and females. Talk about how both males and females are part of the human race. Genesis 1:27 makes clear that both males and females bear God's image, which means both have inherent dignity, value, and worth. Then discuss the difference in male and female design.

Talk about how it is only women who can physically bear children. Now, I know that this is a topic that is up for debate in our culture, but it's just ridiculous. It's like the emperor and his new clothes—everybody might be saying that the emperor has clothes on, but he doesn't. Similarly, people might say that both men and women can have children. That is not true. You need certain biological parts in order to be able to bear a child, and those are the parts that only biological females are born with.

So talk about how only women can bear children and then ask, "Hmm, does this mean that women are better than men because women can bear children and men can't?" No, it simply means that women have been designed differently than men.

Then talk about how men in general are physically stronger than women. Now, are there some women who are stronger than some men? Yes. However, when you look at both sexes compared side by side, men have greater muscle composition than females do. Then ask, "Okay, does this mean that men are better than women because they're stronger?" No. It simply means that we have been designed differently.

Different Roles in the Home and Church

Once you've talked through those physical differences in design, you can discuss how God designed different roles in the home and then how God designed different roles in the church.

Roles in the Home

When you're talking about roles in the home, talk about how only women can be wives and mothers, and only men can be husbands and fathers. So does this mean that one sex is superior to the other? No. It simply means that we have been designed differently.

If you've taken your children through our God's Good Design curriculum, make sure that at this point you connect these truths back to the fact that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. You can go through some of the different activities and games that we've gone through in that lesson in God's Good Design to just reiterate that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

Roles in the Church

Then you can introduce how God has designed different roles in the church. I'm going to walk us through several passages that we can read through with our children and then talk about what are some of the different roles that God has designed for men and for women.

Titus 2:2-5

The first passage I think you can read through is Titus 2, verses 2 through 5, which reads:

"Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

Then you can talk through what are the different roles that God has given to older men and to older women in these passages. Read through the verses again, talk through the different commands, and then ask the question: do these roles make either men or women superior to one another? No. It simply means that we have been designed differently. So in the family of God, men have different roles and women have different roles.

1 Timothy 3:1-7

The second passage to take your kids to is 1 Timothy chapter 3, verses 1 through 7. This is a bit of a longer passage, but it's still an important one for us to read. This passage says:

"The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity, keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil."

Talk about the different qualifications of an overseer, also known as an elder or what we typically call a pastor. What are the qualifications? Read through those verses again and talk through all of those different qualifications, and then talk about how one of the qualifications is that they are male. It keeps talking about "he," and it says "the husband of one wife."

Then say, "Does this mean that men are better than women because only men can be elders or pastors or overseers?" No. It means that we have been designed differently.

Then you can talk through the practical outworkings of that in your church. Talk about how only males are pastors. That means every Sunday when you hear a sermon, it is coming from a male. Then you can talk through males specifically—hopefully elders—leading communion or the Lord's Supper, and just talk about these different roles that God has given to men and to women within the church.

Difference in Design is Beautiful

It's really vital that we help our children see that difference in design is a beautiful thing, and it does not equal difference in value.

What I think is so important for us to help our children grasp and even for us to understand ourselves is that our culture is going to buck against this. Our culture views any differences in design or roles as evil and oppressive, and this is a scheme of the enemy to cut down our view of the very character and nature of God.

Think about who God is: God is one being and three persons. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit have different roles. Even just think about our salvation—they have different roles in our salvation. God the Father has sent the Spirit of His Son to regenerate us. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit—they're one being, they're three distinct persons, they have different roles, but they are equal.

So when we see difference in design and in roles and in function, when we're seeing unity amidst diversity, we are seeing a reflection of the very character and nature of God.

What is Satan seeking to do in our culture? One of the ways he is attacking us is he is seeking to warp our understanding of difference in design, of difference in role, of difference in function, and he is seeking to have us see it as something that is bad, something that is evil, something that we need to get rid of.

Difference in design, difference in role, difference in function, yet equality in value and worth is something that stems from God himself. So we want to make sure that we are helping our children from the youngest of ages understand that difference in design, difference in role, difference in function is a good and beautiful thing.

Addressing Abuse and Misuse

Now, at times in our world, do people twist difference in design or difference in role, and do they abuse it? Absolutely. In the past, and even I'm sure in some instances in the present, there have been some men who have taken verses about male headship in both the home and the church, and have used those verses as justification for doing things that directly contradict Scripture. They have used those verses to abuse others.

Yet, when we look at the entirety of Scripture, we see that male headship is designed to be modeled after Christ's love for the church. So anytime those biblical passages are twisted into abuse, that is not biblical.

What many who are very liberal leaning in the Christian community want to do is they want to say, "Oh, things like complementarianism or male headship in the home or in the church—they have been used as abuse in the past, so we need to get rid of them." But where do you see that in Scripture? If we get rid of the design and the role and this beauty of unity amidst diversity, we are marring God's image. We are not accurately reflecting him to others on this earth.

I'm so grateful that this question came in because I think it's such an important one for us to think through biblically and think through how we can talk through this with our children.

Further Resources

I know that on this very short podcast, I have not given a thorough treatment of looking at the different roles of men and women within the church. So if you are looking for a very deep dive, I highly recommend that you check out Mike Winger's Women in Ministry series. He goes through every passage about women and their roles in both the home and the church in the series. In some of the videos, he will do like an eight-hour teaching on just one verse. So it is very thorough. If you are interested in a deep dive, I highly recommend that you check that out.

Conclusion

As parents navigating these important biblical conversations with our children, you don't have to walk this journey alone. Join our email community at FoundationWorldview.com to receive practical resources, biblical insights, and encouragement delivered directly to your inbox. You'll be the first to know about new podcast episodes like this one, plus you'll get access to exclusive content designed to help you confidently guide your children in understanding God's design for their lives.

Don't miss out on the tools you need to raise the next generation with a solid biblical foundation. Sign up today at FoundationWorldview.com and equip yourself to answer the tough questions your children are asking.

Also, if you have a question that you would like for me to answer on a future Foundation Worldview podcast, you can submit that question by going to FoundationWorldview.com/podcast. I'm so grateful for the many of you who submit questions every week because we couldn't do this podcast without you.

Finally, as we leave our time together, my prayer for you is that no matter the situation in which you and the children God has placed in your care find yourselves, that you would trust that God is working all things together for your good by using all things to conform you more into the image of His Son. I'll see you next time.