Teaching Kids How to Respond to Sin Biblically

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Hello friends! Today's podcast question says:

My son is three and he's beginning to observe and then verbally process bad behavior that he sees when we are out in our community. What should my approach be when he asks questions about what he sees in a way that doesn't vilify others or leave him or our family feeling superior?

This is a really good question, and I think it's one a lot of parents of three-year-olds face—and even parents of children older than that, up until the age of seven or eight. Children at these ages often just verbally process things they're observing.

I know that just a few months ago I was out with the kids of some friends, and we were eating at a fast food restaurant. While we were waiting for our food to come, their three-year-old stood up on the bench where we were seated, pointed her finger at another family, and shouted out, "They didn't pray before they ate!"

I was like, "Oh my goodness, sit down. We're going to talk about this."

But how do we make sure that when our kids recognize inappropriate or sinful behavior in others, they're not pointing it out in a way that is socially inappropriate? And how do we also make sure we're not making them feel like, "Oh, we're not like those people out there—those bad people"? Because we know that apart from the grace of God, we all engage in sin.

So this is the question we're going to dive down deep into today on the Foundation Worldview Podcast, where we seek to answer your questions so that you can equip the children that God has placed in your care to carefully evaluate every idea they encounter and understand the truth of the biblical worldview. I'm your host, Elizabeth Urbanowicz, and I'm thrilled that you've joined me for this episode today.

The Three-Step Framework

My response to this question of how we help kids appropriately process inappropriate behavior they see is the same three steps that we at Foundation Worldview go through in our God's Good Design curriculum as we equip children to love others without affirming that person's sin.

The three steps are:

1. Recognize this is not God's good design
2. Remind yourself of the truth
3. Be kind

What we're going to do in this podcast is walk through how we can take our children through these three steps in the different situations they encounter.

Now, just as a side note: if you have a child who is between the ages of four and eight and you have not yet taken them through our God's Good Design curriculum here at Foundation Worldview, please hop over to our website and check out that curriculum. The truths presented in it are foundational.

In our internal team meetings here at Foundation Worldview, we often talk about how the truths we cover in God's Good Design apply to all aspects of life. The lessons in this curriculum are really structured in a way that will transform how your kids think. If you want your kids to have a thoroughly biblical and deeply ingrained understanding of God's design for gender, sexuality, marriage, and family, these materials are a must to implement. You can even get a free sample of two of the lessons on our website to start training your kids today.

Example One: A Child Throwing a Tantrum

Let me walk us through how we can take our kids through these three steps in a variety of different situations they may encounter.

For example, we may encounter a child in a store who's throwing a temper tantrum, and our kids may recognize, "Whoa, we're not supposed to do that. We're not supposed to throw temper tantrums in the store. We're not supposed to arch our back and throw ourselves on the floor. We're not supposed to yell at our parents."

Step One: Recognize This Is Not God's Good Design

What I recommend is that you train your kids to do something specific as they're recognizing that this is not God's good design—that this child should not be throwing a temper tantrum. Their natural reaction, especially at the younger ages of three, four, or five, would be to blurt out what they're thinking.

Instead, I recommend training your child that if they want to talk with you about someone's inappropriate behavior, they just put their hand on your arm or on your leg. This will be their signal to you: "I want to talk to you about something that I just saw." Rather than just blurting it out, they put their hand on your arm or on your leg.

Now, this is going to require training. You can't just tell them to do this once and expect them to do it. You're going to have to practice. Say, "Okay, if you see someone who's doing something that doesn't go along with God's good design, what should you do?" Have them practice coming over and putting their hand on your arm or on your leg.

Step Two: Remind Yourself of the Truth

After they've put their hand on your arm or your leg and you say, "Okay, what do you want to tell me?" and they share with you, "That little boy over there—he's throwing a tantrum," then you want to together remind yourself of the truth.

In this case, you might want to say, "Remember, we've learned that we're to do everything without complaining or arguing." You remind yourself of this truth and also remind yourself: "We can only do this with Jesus's help. We need Jesus's help to do all things without complaining or arguing."

Here, as you're reminding yourselves of the biblical truth, you're also reminding yourselves that it's only with God's grace and the empowerment of His Holy Spirit that you can obey as you need to. This is a way of not painting yourself or your child as superior to this other family, but simply reminding yourself of the truth—and that it's by God's grace that you can be empowered to do this.

Step Three: Be Kind

In this situation, you're probably not going to walk over to the parent whose child is having a tantrum, but you can just take a moment and say, "You know what? Let's just pray really quickly for that child, and let's pray really quickly for us."

If you're sitting at the grocery store, you can just say, "Dear Jesus, please help that little boy to trust you and to honor his mom, and please help us to trust you and honor our parents as well." Just say a quick little prayer.

Example Two: Encountering Someone Living Outside God's Design for Gender

Let me give us another example of how you can walk through these three steps of recognizing this isn't God's good design, reminding yourself of the truth, and being kind.

Let's say you're at the grocery store (I don't know why all of my examples are at the grocery store—I apologize, I realize there are other places!) and you see a man who is dressed as a woman, whether it's the person who's checking you out at the register or someone you encounter in the aisle.

Step One: Recognize This Is Not God's Good Design

This again would be where you would train your child to put his hand on your arm or on your leg and then share with you quietly what he saw. When he does that, you can say, "Okay, what did you just see? What do you want to tell me?" He might say, "Mommy, that man over there—he's wearing a dress."

Step Two: Remind Yourself of the Truth

Together, you're going to want to remind yourself of the truth and say, "Okay, what did we learn from the Bible? How did God design us?" Then you can say, "God designed us as male or female. God's design is so good."

That's the exact catechizing phrase we use in God's Good Design for any time our children encounter someone who has one sex and is presenting themselves as the opposite: "God designed us as male or female. God's design is so good."

Step Three: Be Kind

How are we going to be kind? We're going to be kind by smiling at that person as we would any other person. We're going to turn to them, and we're going to smile just like we would at anybody.

Then you, with your child, can quietly pray. You can say, "Please, Jesus, let this person come to know you. Let them know that your design for them is good. Help us to always trust your design too."

Again, you're praying for the person, and you're praying for yourself as well. This way you're not putting yourself in a superior position to this person.

So again, in all of these situations, three steps:

1. Recognize this is not God's good design
2. Remind yourself of the truth
3. Be kind

Clarifying What "Judging" Really Means

Now, there is just one thing I want to clarify because I think there's something we're often confused about as Christians, and that is that we don't want to judge others.

A lot of times we hear Matthew chapter 7, verse 1 that says, "Judge not, that you be not judged," and we mistakenly think this means we're never to make moral judgments. However, as with any verse, we need to read this verse in context.

So what is Matthew chapter 7, verse 1 saying in its context? Let's read verses 1 through 5 in Matthew chapter 7:

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

In context, what we see is that we need to first make sure we are right with God in this particular area before we can then go and help someone else recognize their sin. This verse is not telling us we're never to make moral judgments. Scripture is very clear all throughout—in the Old Testament and the New Testament—we are to recognize right from wrong. We're to recognize light from darkness. That is what God has called us to do.

What we are not called to do is go around and cast judgment on others while we ourselves are doing that same thing. We first need to make sure and say, "God, this area where I see this sin in this other person's life—is there any way in my life that I'm partaking in this sin?"

If God's Holy Spirit reveals that to us, we need to confess and repent of that and walk forward in truth. Then, when we're walking forward in truth, we can help that other person see this sin in their life. That's what that final verse I read, verse 5 in Matthew chapter 7, says: "First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Additional Resources

If you're looking for more information on how to train your kids to love others well while not affirming or engaging in another person's sin, we have an entire chapter on that in our book, Helping Your Kids Know God's Good Design: 40 Questions and Answers on Sexuality and Gender. One of the chapters is titled, "How Do I Teach My Children to Love Others Without Affirming Someone's Sin?" You can hop over to Amazon and check that out.

Also, if you have already purchased a copy of this book, would you do me a huge favor and hop over onto Amazon to rate and review it? The more ratings and reviews we have, the less the book is suppressed in the algorithms on Amazon, and the more people we can equip to get their kids thinking biblically.

Conclusion

Well, that's a wrap for this episode. But as we leave our time together, my prayer for you is the same as always: that no matter the situation in which you and the children that God has placed in your care find yourselves, you would trust that God is working all things together for your good, using all things to conform you more into the image of His Son.

Want more practical guidance like this? If you found today's episode helpful, I'd encourage you to check out Foundation Worldview's God's Good Design curriculum. It's designed specifically for children ages 4-8 and walks them through these exact principles—helping them understand God's beautiful design while learning to love others well. You can even try two free sample lessons to see how it will equip your family.