The Anxious Generation: Is Overprotection Fueling Childhood Anxiety?

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Hello friends! On today's podcast, we're going to take a look at the rising rates of anxiety and mental illness among children, teens, and young adults. This is what we're diving deep into today on the Foundation Worldview Podcast, where we typically seek to answer your questions so you can equip the children God has placed in your care to carefully evaluate every idea they encounter and understand the truth of the biblical worldview. I'm your host, Elizabeth Urbanowicz, and I'm thrilled you've joined me for another episode.

The Mental Health Crisis in Our Children

I'm sure most of you listening have noticed that children, teens, and young adults are experiencing very high levels of anxiety today. I noticed this even in my last few years of teaching. I taught for a decade, and in my final two years, I saw so many of my students dealing with issues of high anxiety.

In fact, I was the social studies teacher for third grade, teaching all three sections. During one of our units—a very basic economics unit where I taught the difference between goods and services—I had students list both goods and services their families utilized every week or month. What struck me was that in my last two years of teaching, a high percentage of students listed either a therapist, counselor, or psychologist as a service they utilized every week. I thought, "Wow, what is going on? Why are there so many more third graders who need mental health help?"

I'm sure you've noticed this too.

Insights from "The Anxious Generation"

Today we're going to look at findings from a very popular book called The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. In this book, he dives deep into research behind this mental health epidemic among children, teens, and young adults. I highly recommend you check out this book.

What we're going to do in this podcast is highlight some findings from this book and look at how the research behind these findings really aligns with the worldview presented in Scripture. This book isn't written from a biblical worldview—it's written from a secular perspective. However, the findings align with what we would expect in the world around us because of the worldview presented in Scripture.

As the author dove deep into research behind what's causing these rising levels of anxiety, he concluded there were two main factors contributing to this. I'm going to read a quote from the book where he explains this:

"In recent decades, America and many other western nations made two contradictory choices about children's safety, and both were wrong. We decided that the real world was so full of dangers that children should not be allowed to explore it without adult supervision. Then we left children free to wander through the wild west of the virtual world, where threats to children abounded."

So there are these two main factors: first, overprotecting children in the real world, and second, under-protecting them in the virtual world.

Today I'm going to dive deep into this first issue—overprotection in the real world. In the next podcast, we'll look at under-protection in the virtual world, and then I'll do a third podcast where we examine what we should do now that we know these two big issues.

Overprotection in the Real World

This first problem—overprotection in the real world—is something you've probably noticed as you've compared your own childhood to the childhood your children are experiencing. I've seen this issue at play in so many ways in the world around me.

I first noticed this when I was teaching and saw such strict rules around playground usage. When I was growing up in the nineties and early 2000s, there were definitely playground rules, but for the most part, at recess we could go outside, run around on the fields, play on the playground, and there weren't too many restrictions.

However, when I started teaching, there were so many playground rules. I remember getting into disagreements with other teachers over things I would allow my students to do—I'd let them swing and jump off the swings or climb on high places on the structure. Some of the other teachers I worked with (who were wonderful teachers) would say, "That's dangerous." I'd think, "Yes, there's some risk involved, but it's normal childhood risk, and it's not like the child is at risk of death."

I also noticed this with a friend teaching at a great private school. There was one situation where a student was supposed to go to the nurse at a certain time each day to get medication—something he did every day. Well, one day he decided that on his way back to his classroom, he wanted to go outside and leave the school building. So he went outside and was exploring. The teacher realized the student wasn't there, called the office, and they found the student wandering around outside.

The parent freaked out and said, "How could this happen?" blaming the school. But really, who's to blame? It's the child for not following the rules. This child should have known you don't go out of the building during the school day. But after that, the school rules suddenly changed—children were no longer allowed to walk to the nurse by themselves. They either had to have a buddy or their teacher had to walk them down. All of a sudden, there was all this helicoptering.

I also noticed with many families I saw in public, and even some within my own sphere of influence, that parents were starting to do basic tasks for their children that their children should have been able to do at a much younger age. I saw parents cutting up food for children who were eight, nine, or ten years old. I thought, "My goodness, really by the time a child is five or six, they should be able to use a butter knife to cut up their own food."

Then with older children and teens, I noticed so many teens weren't wanting to get their driver's license. I thought, "Why don't these kids want this freedom?" I remember turning 16, going in and doing my driver's test, getting in the car for the first time and thinking, "This is freedom!"

You've probably seen these examples and so many like them in the world around us where we're just overprotecting children.

Discover Mode vs. Defend Mode

In The Anxious Generation, the author outlines how humans operate out of two basic modes. One mode is discover mode, where we view the world around us as an opportunity to explore, learn, grow, and experiment. This is the mode children are designed to be in most of the time because they're learning about the world around them.

The second mode is defend mode—the mode where we perceive a threat. Rather than discovering and exploring, we're seeking to protect ourselves. It's like our fight-or-flight response has been triggered, and we're focused on how we can protect ourselves.

Here's a quote from the book talking about these two different modes:

"Healthy childhood with a lot of autonomy and unsupervised play in the real world sets children's brains to operate mostly in discover mode with a well-developed attachment system and an ability to handle the risks of daily life. Conversely, when there is society-wide pressure on parents to adopt modern overprotective parenting, it sets children's brains to operate mostly in defend mode with less secure attachment and reduced ability to evaluate or handle risk."

So with societal pressure to overprotect our children and ensure there's never any risk and they're always 100% safe, we're subconsciously placing our children in defend mode. We're teaching them that the world around them isn't a place designed primarily for them to discover and learn, but a place that's dangerous—one they need to defend themselves from and need constant parental or adult protection to survive.

The Importance of Developmentally Appropriate Risks

It's vital for healthy growth and development that children be able to take developmentally appropriate risks—risks such as playing in the yard by themselves, taking on basic chore responsibilities, caring for younger siblings, or running an errand within walking or biking distance from the house. These different types of risks are important for healthy child development and are part of discover mode.

When our children are allowed to play by themselves in the front yard or backyard, they're discovering what's all around them. Now, is there some inherent risk in that? Yes, there's a risk our child could fall down and get hurt. There's a risk our child could decide to walk out into the street. But these are things we need to train them to think wisely about so they can take these risks in playing by themselves, doing basic chores, caring for a younger sibling, or running an errand.

Two Powerful Analogies

In The Anxious Generation, the author gives two different analogies explaining why it's so important to allow our children to take developmentally appropriate risks and not overprotect them.

The Tree Analogy

The first analogy involves trees. In order for trees to grow properly and withstand the natural elements they'll be exposed to, they need wind. When wind is blowing, it bends trees, and this bending tugs on the roots and compresses the wood in their trunks. The roots then respond to this tugging by expanding and providing a firmer anchor for the trees.

When trees grow in a greenhouse for most of their life and are then transplanted to the real world, they often fall over within the first few months simply from their own weight. In the greenhouse, they haven't experienced any wind tugging against them, so their roots haven't expanded and grown deeper, and their wood hasn't compressed.

The author makes this connection to children: Similar to how trees need wind to grow properly and support themselves, our children need to experience frequent minor stressors to become strong adults. When we send our children the message that the world around them is dangerous and they need our protection, they're not growing deep roots. They're not becoming strengthened by small disappointments. Then when a disappointment happens, they just crumble. They become anxious and develop mental health issues.

The Immune System Analogy

The second analogy relates to the immune system. Here's a direct quote from the book:

"Parents who try to raise their children in a bubble of perfect hygiene are harming their children by blocking the development of their anti-fragile immune system. It's the same dynamic for what has been called the psychological immune system—the ability of a child to handle, process, and get past frustrations, minor accidents, teasing, exclusion, perceived injustices, and normal conflicts without falling prey to hours or days of inner turmoil. There is no way to live with other humans without conflicts and deprivations."

If we try to keep our children from all germs, what happens is that once they're exposed to germs, their immune system won't have any practice fighting against them. It won't be strong, and our children will get much sicker when exposed to those germs than if we had just let them naturally be exposed to the germs in the world around them.

Similarly, if we're overprotecting our children and their psychological immune system isn't developing, any little problem they encounter is going to cause them to crumble.

The Dangers of Overprotective Parenting

Here's a longer quote from the book about parenting style and its importance:

"Several studies find that coddling or helicopter parenting is correlated with later anxiety disorders, low self-efficacy (which is the inner confidence that one can do what is needed to reach one's goals), and difficulty adjusting to college. Children are intrinsically anti-fragile, which is why overprotective children are more likely to become adolescents who are stuck in defend mode. In defend mode, they're likely to learn less, have fewer close friends, be more anxious, and experience more pain from ordinary conversations and conflicts. Kids are hungry for thrills, and they must get them if they're to overcome their childhood fears and wire up their brains so that discover mode becomes the default. In the process, they develop a broad set of competencies, including the ability to judge risk for themselves, take appropriate action when faced with risks, and learn that when things go wrong—even if they get hurt—they can usually handle it without calling an adult."

This quote emphasizes how important it is for us to help our children be set in discover mode rather than defend mode, for them to be able to take healthy risks and handle setbacks so they can grow to be young adults who know how to handle the difficulties of this world—because we live in a world where there will be difficulties.

The Thrills Kids Need

The book goes through the major types of risks and thrills kids need. It lists several: kids need the thrill of heights, high speed, dangerous tools, dangerous elements, rough-and-tumble play, and disappearing. The book specifically says that video games offer none of these types of thrills.

Now, when I say "dangerous tools," this book isn't suggesting you send your three-year-old out with a chainsaw—that's a really unwise idea. But we need to teach our children how to use tools and then give them opportunities to use them on their own.

"Disappearing" is the ability to go off by themselves, to have time alone. Again, we're not going to send a three-year-old down to the corner store to buy milk—that's not developmentally appropriate. But we should give our five- and six-year-olds and older kids time to play in the backyard when we're not supervising them. Once children are seven or eight, we should give them opportunities to run small errands on their own.

How This Aligns with Biblical Worldview

So what we've covered so far today is the difference between discover mode and defend mode, and how if we're overprotecting our children—as our society consistently encourages us to do—our kids are going to be set in defend mode, viewing the world around them as dangerous rather than being in discover mode, viewing the world as something that needs to be explored and learned from, where they learn how to take appropriate risks and come back from setbacks.

Now let's look at how this issue of overprotection and the problem it creates aligns with the biblical worldview. As I mentioned, The Anxious Generation is excellent, but it's written from a secular worldview. However, if you look carefully, you can see how all the findings in this book align with the worldview presented in Scripture.

One of the main ways this issue of overprotection aligns with the biblical worldview is the fact that God has designed us in His image. As God's image bearers, He has designed us to represent Him on this earth through having dominion over the rest of creation.

Genesis 1:26-28 reads:

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

God has created our children with the purpose of representing Him here on this earth through having dominion over the rest of creation. When we eliminate all risks, what we're doing is infantilizing our children. We're keeping them in this stage of infancy and dependency on us in a way that doesn't align with God's design.

When we take away all risks and keep our children in a state of dependency, we're robbing them of their God-given need and calling to exercise dominion over the rest of creation. They need opportunities to explore creation. If they don't, they're stuck in defend mode, trying to protect themselves from creation all the time rather than discovering, exploring, and exercising dominion over creation, which God has given to us.

When we take away all these risks and keep them in this stage of dependence, our kids miss out on key physical, social, emotional, and spiritual developmental milestones. When we do everything for them and view them as needing us in all these different situations—to do everything for them and protect them from all risks—we're unintentionally sending the message that they're incapable of fulfilling their God-given role of exercising dominion over creation.

We need to take this seriously and make sure we're not overprotecting our children.

What's Coming Next

We're going to spend another whole episode exploring what we can do to reverse this trend and make sure we're helping our children be programmed to be in discover mode so they can grow in their responsibility of exercising dominion over creation.

However, before we dive into what we can do about this, in our next episode we're going to explore the second key factor in this epidemic of rising anxiety and mental illness: giving our kids free reign in the virtual world.

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As we leave our time together, my prayer for you is that no matter the situation in which you and the children God has placed in your care find yourselves, you would trust that God is working all things together for your good by using all things to conform you more into the image of His Son.