How to Keep Christmas About Jesus, Not the Presents

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How can I help my kids not fall into the trap of consumerism this Christmas?

That's a really short question, but not necessarily a short answer, because we know that, especially around the Christmas season, consumerism is all around us.

As we think about helping our kids escape the trap of consumerism that is so prevalent in our culture, and that we easily fall into because we are fallen, I think there are two different things we should focus on. The first is how to place wise limits around gift giving within our family. The second is ways to use gifts to point to Jesus.

How to Place Wise Limits Around Gift Giving

Set a Healthy Limit on Gifts

The first thing, which probably seems obvious but can get a little confusing in our culture, is to not go crazy with the presents. I recommend that you set a limit on gifts that will enable your family to engage in gift giving without purchasing an overwhelming amount of gifts.

Now, an overwhelming amount of gifts is a little bit subjective. Some people might feel overwhelmed with two gifts, where overwhelming might mean 25 gifts to someone else. So I recommend sitting down with your spouse and thinking through: What is a healthy amount of gifts that we can give our kids this year that will enable them to experience the joy of gift giving and receiving at Christmas without having them fall into the trap of consumerism?

This is something my parents did a great job with when we were growing up. Their philosophy might cause you to chuckle a little bit, but I thought it was really good for us. After Jesus was born, even though it was a few years later, He received three gifts from the wise men. So if Jesus received three gifts for His birth, we as children should not receive more than that.

So my parents set a limit of three gifts. Each year we'd get one larger gift and two smaller gifts. If one of us really wanted a dollhouse or a bicycle or something like that, that would be the larger gift. The two smaller gifts would be something else we would enjoy.

My parents also tried to be really intentional about purchasing things that were quality and were going to help us play imaginatively. We didn't receive a lot of cheap gifts or a lot of entertainment-type things. I remember one year my mom bought me kids' knitting needles, a whole bunch of yarn, and a little book on how to knit, and I taught myself how to knit. Another year she bought me a crochet hook with similar things. One of my siblings got Perler beads one Christmas. These were things that weren't going to be cheap and easily tossed away, but were actually going to be good for our development. So that was my parents' rule: three gifts, one larger one and two smaller ones.

I have a couple of friends who use a little rhyme to guide their gift giving. They buy their kids four gifts each Christmas: something you want, something you need, something you wear, something you read.

The want is something their kids have wanted and will get excited about. The need is maybe a new backpack or a new pair of shoes, something they actually need. Then they give them something to wear, maybe a new dress, a new pair of pants, or a new coat. And then something to read, a book that would be of interest to them. That can be another creative way to limit the amount of gifts that you get.

If you happen to be looking for something to read to buy your kids this Christmas, here at Foundation Worldview we have two picture books that are part of a series: What Is Truth? and Are Feelings Truth?. These books can make great Christmas gifts.

When Extended Family Goes Overboard

Now, I know the issue sometimes with not getting sucked into consumerism at Christmas is that extended family members might go a little bit overboard with gifts. Maybe you and your spouse have set healthy limits around gift giving, but then your parents or your in-laws or your sister or your brother might go crazy with gifts for your kids.

If this is the case, the first thing I would recommend is to have a conversation with whoever tends to go crazy with the gifts. Explain why you're wanting to pull back on some of the gifts, and then ask, "Would it be okay this year if you just bought my children one gift each or two gifts each?"

Now, for some families that might not go well. Maybe you have a mother or father or mother-in-law or father-in-law whose primary love language is gift giving, and it would really crush them not to be able to buy tons of gifts for your children. If they don't listen to that, and they're buying your kids tons of toys rather than things to wear or books, another thing you can do is establish that this is something that's going to stay at Nana and Papa's house.

So if they get a really elaborate gift, you can say, "Oh, we're so grateful for this. We actually don't have room for all of these toys in our house. Is it okay if we keep it at your house, and this is a special toy that our kids get to play with just when they come over to your house?"

I know that can be tricky. Relationships are fragile and difficult on this side of Genesis 3, and extended family can make this a little bit more complicated. But I recommend that you have a conversation first. Always frame it positively with how thankful you are for the gifts they buy, and ask if it would be okay if they limited it to a certain number. If that's not okay, you can say, "We're really kind of maxed out on toys at our house. Would it be okay if this was something they just get to play with when they're at your house? That would be really special for them."

Help Your Kids Bless Others Through Gift Giving

Another thing we can do is help our kids focus on blessing others through gift giving this Christmas. The focus shouldn't just be on, "What do you want? What are you going to ask for this Christmas? What are you going to get?" It should be on, "Who can you bless by purchasing a gift this Christmas?"

One way to do this is to help them brainstorm gift ideas for siblings or other family members. Talk about what this person would enjoy that your child can save up their money to purchase.

Then you can talk about how gift giving usually leads to joy. It's usually really exciting for us when we purchase something for someone else and then get to watch them open it. Discuss with them: Why is it that gift giving usually leads to joy? It's because gift giving allows us to reflect God's self-sacrificing love. James 1:17 says:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17, ESV)

All good gifts ultimately come from God. So when we engage in gift giving, we get to reflect God in His self-sacrificing love for us, as He is the giver of all good gifts. Help your children engage in gift giving, not just gift receiving.

Serve Together as a Family

Another thing that can be helpful around Christmastime is to engage in a service activity as a family, so that you're not just giving gifts you're physically purchasing, but you're actually giving of your time. You're giving of yourself. Here are a few easy ideas.

Many of you are familiar with Operation Christmas Child, where you get a shoebox and fill it up with things that either a male child or a female child of a certain age would want and need in a third world country overseas. You can have your child help fill a shoebox for a child overseas by going to the store and picking out things they think that child would enjoy or would need. It's a great way to help our children experience the joy of giving. You can then have them write that child a letter and place it in the shoebox.

Another option, not just during Christmas but year-round, is to sponsor a child through an organization like Compassion or World Vision. You can choose a child with your family to sponsor, and then talk through how your child can work to earn money each month to help support that child, to give them food, clean water, clothing, shelter, and an education. This gets our kids involved in the joy of service.

Or you can do things that are more local. When I was growing up, this is something my parents were intentional about. When my siblings and I were really young, every Christmas morning after we opened our gifts, we would go to a local homeless shelter and serve a meal. That gave us the opportunity to participate in giving to others.

When we got a little older, every Christmas Eve we would go Christmas caroling at a state-run nursing home. There are different types of nursing homes and rehabilitation facilities, but we actually still go to the one my parents chose every Christmas Eve. It's quite sad going there because it's a state-run facility. They're not top-notch, sometimes they're not even very clean, and most of the people there have kind of just been forgotten.

It's hard going there every Christmas Eve, but it's such a good opportunity to share the love of Jesus with others and to be reminded, "Oh yeah, I'm going back to my nice home with my family, where we're going to share a nice meal and open presents." The people in that nursing home are really sick and suffering, and many of them don't have family, or their families have abandoned them. So this is an opportunity to share the love of Christ.

Another thing my parents have done since I was little, and still do now, is host an open house every Christmas Eve after the Christmas Eve service at their church. Whoever from the church wants to come over and celebrate Jesus' birthday can come. My parents recently put an addition on their house, so it's slightly larger, but the house I grew up in was not very large. We would frequently have upwards of 80 people in the house. We would have lots of food, my mom would bake a birthday cake, and we would sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus.

Even now, I think both my sister and I would say that growing up, Christmas Eve was our favorite day of the year. Yes, we got presents on Christmas Day, but Christmas Eve was when we were actually focused on celebrating the birth of Jesus. We were just enjoying time with our spiritual family at church. That was always our favorite day of the year.

So think creatively: What are some things you can do locally to help your kids engage in serving and celebrating the birth of Christ with both biological family and spiritual family?

How to Use Gifts to Point to Jesus

The second thing we can do is look for ways to use gifts to point to Jesus.

Why Do We Get So Excited About Gifts?

We can ask our kids a simple question: "Why is it that we get so excited about gifts?" Usually when we get gifts, it's really exciting.

Then talk through it. There are a couple of different reasons. One, we as humans just enjoy things that are new. It's exciting getting a new pair of sneakers or a new shirt or a new doll or a new baseball mitt. But getting gifts is also exciting because gifts can be a form of showing love. We're recognizing that someone has taken the time to think about us, to choose something they think we would enjoy, and then to give of their own time and money to purchase that gift. So talk about why we get excited about gifts from a biblical perspective.

Why Is Jesus Better Than Any Gift?

Another question we can ask our kids is, "Why is Jesus better than any gift we could receive?" Why is the gift of Jesus at Christmas better than any gift we can receive?

There are so many things you can talk about. You can talk about how Jesus gave His life for us. Jesus didn't just give His time and some money. He gave His very life. He made a way for us to be saved from our sins and reconciled to God, and that is our biggest need. Yes, we might need a new pair of shoes because we don't fit into our old ones anymore, but our biggest need is to be rescued from our sin and reconciled to God. And He made a way for us to be with Him forever in the new heaven and new earth, where there will be no more sadness or crying or pain or sin or death. We want to help our kids see how amazing that is.

So think right now: Do you talk about eternity daily in your home? Do you talk daily about how much better things are going to be in eternity? When you eat a good meal, do you say, "Wow, this is so amazing. Can you imagine how amazing the steak, or whatever we're going to eat in eternity, is going to taste? That's going to be amazing!" When things go wrong and it's a sad day and you're comforting your child, do you say, "Yeah, this is really hard. I'm so sorry this happened. Isn't it amazing that when Jesus returns and makes heaven and earth new, there's going to be no more disappointment? There's going to be no more crying. There's going to be no more sorrow." We want to consistently be pointing our kids toward that.

I was just thinking about that earlier. Last week I picked up my niece and nephew from school, and on the way home my niece was sharing something that had made her sad during the school day. I said, "Isn't it amazing to think that when Jesus comes back, there is nothing that's going to make us sad anymore? Isn't that amazing?" She said, "Yes, I can't wait for that day." Then my sister told me that at dinner that night, she brought it up.

So we want to be talking about eternity daily in our homes, helping our kids see that Jesus is the gift that lasts for all eternity. Whether they got a dollhouse or a bike or a pet or new clothes, whatever they got is eventually going to wear out and is no longer going to be exciting or useful. Eventually it won't even exist anymore. But Jesus, the One who satisfies our souls, who feeds us with His daily bread, lasts for eternity. Jesus is the gift that never gets old, never gets worn out, never loses its value.

Help Your Family Focus on Jesus This Advent

Finally, we can talk with our kids and say, "We often get more excited about the gifts under the tree than we do about Jesus. What are some things we can do to help focus our attention on Jesus, the greatest gift of all?" Have a little brainstorming session with your kids about what you can do this Christmas season to help focus your hearts and minds on Jesus more than the presents.

If you're not having any creative thoughts about that, here are a few suggestions.

You can choose a different Christmas carol to sing every evening at dinner, either before or after the meal. If you have hymnals, just pull one out and start singing. If not, you can buy some hymnals online that aren't very expensive, then use them at dinnertime to sing a different Christmas carol every evening.

You can also make an Advent wreath. You can easily find directions online for how to do that. Then every Sunday, light one new candle and read the passages of Scripture that go along with that candle. That can be something you have right on your dining room table, reminding you all throughout the week that this is a season celebrating the birth of Jesus.

You can also read a book about the Nativity story. You can read the account of the Nativity in Matthew or in Luke. Or you can watch a movie such as The Nativity Story. That's all going to point you to Christ. So what can you do to focus your hearts and minds on Jesus this Advent season?

I hope you're seeing that gifts do not need to be totally abandoned at Christmas. We can place healthy limits around them, and even use the gifts we have and receive to point our kids back toward Jesus, the greatest gift of all.

If you have a question you would like me to answer on a future episode of the Foundation Worldview Podcast, you can submit it at foundationworldview.com/podcast.

If you're still filling the "something you read" slot this year, What Is Truth? and Are Feelings Truth? help children ages 4–7 think carefully about what is real. And for more resources like this throughout the year, you can sign up for our newsletter below.

As we leave our time together, my prayer for you is that no matter the situation in which you and the children God has placed in your care find yourselves, you would trust that God is working all things together for your good by using all things to conform you more into the image of His Son.